Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
