Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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