In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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