Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
