I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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