I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
