he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
nutella sex= disaster
no you cant smoke seaweed
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
