Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
