His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize