You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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