I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
