im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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