I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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