Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
