I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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