OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
