i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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