he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We have so much sex to catch up on
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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