hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
