So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
