Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
