If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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