i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
