I want you more than these girls want KFC
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
