Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
