I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
