What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
