If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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