Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
