am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
