remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
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I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
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I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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