paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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