I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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