your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
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Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
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I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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