Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Randomize
