everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
