$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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