did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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