There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
