spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Randomize
