Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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