he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
