your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
