I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.