Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  wakey wakey hands off snakey

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): wakey wakey hands off snakey http://tfl.nu/v0if
  Replies (13) Good night (1300) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof... http://tfl.nu/xn7m
  Replies (26) Good night (3367) Bad night (455)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!" http://tfl.nu/5h66
  Replies (38) Good night (7295) Bad night (814)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library http://tfl.nu/04eo
  Replies (22) Good night (5346) Bad night (737)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning. http://tfl.nu/luil
  Replies (65) Good night (1302) Bad night (6835)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar http://tfl.nu/f2lj
  Replies (6) Good night (5042) Bad night (1430)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore http://tfl.nu/abxm
  Replies (8) Good night (1092) Bad night (3450)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab. http://tfl.nu/if5q
  Replies (14) Good night (779) Bad night (3366)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been http://tfl.nu/nato
  Replies (1) Good night (967) Bad night (425)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?

  (1-608): View more from Wisconsin

  Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles? (1-608): Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat http://tfl.nu/wmfp
  Replies (3) Good night (676) Bad night (371)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls http://tfl.nu/z0xl
  Replies (10) Good night (831) Bad night (376)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*

  (1-828): View more from North Carolina

  omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist* (1-828): omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too. http://tfl.nu/j31b
  Replies (4) Good night (1078) Bad night (269)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff http://tfl.nu/ddxb
  Replies (6) Good night (965) Bad night (297)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart. http://tfl.nu/xzee
  Replies (1) Good night (558) Bad night (212)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again. http://tfl.nu/8jnp
  Replies (1) Good night (570) Bad night (244)

Randomize