If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.