She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
as a side note pls kill me