sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit