i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
