Im at strip club and am horny
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
