is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I am one with the molecules