You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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