Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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