no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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