I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I CAN MOONWALK!
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
high people should be assigned attendants
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
