Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
