I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
