she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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