Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
