remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
