He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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