My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The air was thick with penises
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Randomize
