think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
