I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
