New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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