would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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