So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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