My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
