Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
