I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
