Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
