I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
