yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
