i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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