How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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