Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
