So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
