Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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