No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
