I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
