Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
