you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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