I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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